It’s 4:30 AM
& I’ve come to realize, that it’s not about the smoking, drinking, time apart, people you’re surrounded with, etc… It’s unfortuntately still about trust. I still have a problem with it & it’s because of what you have done to me already, but mostly from my past & how I still am affected by it. It’s taking longer then I expected to recover & I’m both sorry and not sorry about it at the same time because for one, you did already put a restrain on trust with me yourself, but most importantly, I haven’t given myself ample time to truly recover. I can’t continue being in a relationship where I feel this way, I’ve done it long enough already and have suffered enough damage because of it, despite knowing the other has done no wrong recently. I know what I have to do, but I don’t want to do it… I wish there were an easy way to gain that full trust back, but it’s never ever that simple, especially with me. It’s not your fault my heart was so easily open for you to come in and complete it, you’re a wonderful guy. Blame my heart that was wounded many years before you even knew I existed. I can’t go on like this…
